The Onion ( @TheOnion ) Twitter Profile


The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

Joined on 4 March, 2008

  • 40.4k Tweets
  • 7 Following

Desmond? Liberty? No. None of these. Spurt.

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Pete Buttigieg Vows To Bring Together Small-Town And Big-City Streets Into One Beautiful American Intersection

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Inaugural Address Spills Over Into Second Day As Biden Continues To List Greatest Issues Facing Nation

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Oh Christ, Time To Name These 60 Eggs

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Annoying Coworker Keeps Sending After-Hours Emails That He Trapped In Office Elevator

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Know Your Rights: If A Cop Asks You To Stop Gaming, You Don’t Have To

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Introduction Of Giancarlo Esposito Suggests Main Character Now Totally Fucked

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Support a small, local business by buying an Onion-branded piece of clothing that you can wear when shopping at small, local businesses.

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Nation’s Relatives Call For Little Zoom Tour Of Your Apartment

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Archaeologists Uncover Separate Team Of Archaeologists Digging Towards Them From Other Side Of Globe

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Secret Service Agent Heroically Dives In Front Of Strong Breeze That Could Have Killed Biden

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Pantene Unveils New Color Shine Shampoo That Makes Hair So Radiant It Shall Blind Anyone Who Gazes Upon It

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Rescue Crews In China Work To Save Trapped Miners

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Brief Viewing Of BET Ushers Caucasian Into Alternate World Of African American Advertisements

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Donald Trump Stares Forlornly At Tiny, Aged Penis In Mirror Before Putting On Clothes, Beginning Day

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For the latest from the world’s most unstoppable media juggernaut, visit .

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CDC Unveils List Of Twitter Accounts You Can Follow To Piece Together Vaccine Information

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Irritated Kyrie Irving Refuses To Be Perceived By Media After Rejoining Nets

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Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link

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